NO. I’m NOT going.

IMG_1206

When I (Megan) was 15, saying ‘yes’ to God seemed easy.

Beautiful, never-ending sunshine, shimmering green grass, modern and uniquely designed wooden huts with all the perfectly crafted essentials. Laughs and smiles, and fulfilling and enjoyable work. Never longing for the ‘things’ left behind or the people that my soul ached to sit beside.

This is what I thought global work looked like. A little unrealistic. But I was young. How was I supposed to know?

Fast-forward another 15 years (yes I had my thirty-licious birthday this year)

I have deep and long-lasting relationships with family and friends. I have a husband and children. I have ‘stuff’. I’m comfortable.

11 months ago…

‘NO. I’M NOT GOING!’

‘I DON’T CARE IF YOU (Zach) FEEL CALLED. I’M NOT GOING.’

I had just challenged God. I knew it. And He was NOT giving up on me. Almost daily, He spoke to me. In pictures, through friends, in whispers, in dreams. It was never loud, forceful or abrupt.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6 months ago…

‘megan, i’m calling you too’

‘but God, if I go to Thailand I will drown emotionally and spiritually. There’s nothing there that will sustain me’

‘megan, i’m calling you too’

‘I WILL DROWN GOD’

‘megan, i’m calling you too’

‘NO, I DON’T WANT TO GO’

This conversation happened often. Day after day and month after month.

Here’s the thing.  I love swimming and I’m good at it. Sometimes I feel like I could swim forever. I spent entire summers at the beach breathing the salty air, skimming across the shallow pools, being tossed around by the waves. I’ve spent long hours swimming across lakes and ocean channels and tirelessly turning in a pool.

I love swimming almost as much as I love running. It’s life giving, it’s freedom, it’s independence, it’s self-reliance.

5 months ago…

‘I WILL DROWN GOD. DON’T ASK ME TO GO.

but megan, i’m calling you too’

‘ugh stop bothering me. OK, I’ll trust you. But I still feel like I’m going to drown. You better reward me.’ (seriously, I said that.)

Within 2 days we had confirmed with Imagine Thailand that we wanted to join their team AND signed up for PAOC International global workers training.

‘Wait…WHAT? How did that happen so fast? But wait God, what are you going to do about the whole, ‘I’m going to drown’ thing. I’d like to know your plans!’

4 months ago…

I stepped into a room full of people I immediately despised. I was scared and insecure and blamed them.

‘You did this to me. I’m going to drown, remember? Why am I here? This is totally overwhelming. Everyone here is more qualified than me. I’M GOING TO DROWN REMEMBER?’

A moment later, a woman walked in the room.   Everyone seemed to know her. I did not.

She was the kind of woman who quietly observes, quick to smile if approached and look directly into your inner-most being. I’ve always been nervous of this type of person. I assume they know all my deepest darkest secrets.

She simply said to our group that she had a verse from Isaiah that she felt God had given her to share with us all.

‘pfft. This is stupid. I wonder how my kids are doing in childcare?’

She read Isaiah 43. Quietly, but with authority.

‘…do NOT be afraid, for I have ransomed you.

I have CALLED YOU BY NAME; YOU ARE MINE.

When you go through DEEP WATERS, I will be with you.

When you go through RIVERS of difficulty, YOU WILL NOT DROWN’.

YOU.

WILL.

NOT.

DROWN.

Advertisements

One thought on “NO. I’m NOT going.

  1. Loved reading your thoughts Megan. God is clearly doing some amazing preparation in your heart. So excited for your journey ahead. Cannot wait for you to arrive. Love Laura & Kelvin

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s